COULD DO, SHOULD DO, WOULD DO…

A funny thing happens to me, often, that leaves me quizzically bemused and pondering. It feels like whenever I start to feel a bit BLEUERGH about what I am doing, creatively,  questioning myself, my work, my process, my stuff, the universe sends me a little kicker message, a little positive thing . It is like it says “COME ON GIRL, KEEP GOING!” It is like a kick up the butt. 

At first I thought I was imagining it, but it has happened so many times now, that I feel like it is real. I have reflected upon it, and wondered how it might be possible. Yes, it could be something mystical and spiritual, some destiny kind of thing. Karma? 

Then I think, or could it possibly be all the work I do too ?

There is no doubt I could do more, should do more, would like to do MORE. I see what other creatives are doing, and it kind of makes me feel ill sometimes, and their success just serves to highlight my deficiencies. (Nasty little green monster, get back in your box!)

That’s when I turn off social media. 

That’s when I eat cheese. 

That’s when I go for a walk in my garden. 

That’s when I pick myself up and try to be pro-active. 

That’s when I have to actively and consciously employ some cognitive behaviour strategies, to refame my thoughts, use some positive self talk, and run through  the memes in my head that I have seen everywhere, about not judging yourself against others, running your own race , etc.

That’s when take some tiny little action that moves me forwards. One action. Engage. Where focus goes, energy flows.

One email.

One message. 

One task.

One chore. 

One step. 

So instead of saying to myself I could do – I say I did do, instead of saying I should do, I say I shall do if I need to, instead of saying I would do, I try to say I will do it if I can… and be kinder to myself. 

And today — just writing this is one of those wins. Bravo to me!  

(Now time for some cheese, and a walk around  the garden.)